


Abattoir

by orphan_account



Series: Abattoir [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fox Mulder Angst, Graphic Description, Hurt Dana Scully, Hurt Fox Mulder, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Torture, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 19:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Somebody is kidnapping and brutally murdering FBI agents close to Skinner, then sending him the videotapes. Mulder and Scully are next.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted by Xenith. xenitha@yahoo.com.
> 
> * * *
> 
> _Warning! This is a gritty, brutal story with explicit scenes; contains scenes of rape._
> 
> * * *

**Day 1 10:00 a.m. Hoover Building, Washington D.C.**

"Mulder, there's been another one." Scully poked her head into the basement office door.

Mulder looked up from the videotape he was watching frame by frame, his eyes bloodshot and his face worn-looking. "Damn," he said tiredly. "I suppose it was too much to hope that the bastard would at least run out of blank videotapes. How's Skinner taking it?"

"Not well. He wants to see us in his office. Just us." Mulder looked surprised, but grabbed his suitjacket off the chair and re-tied his tie. As they rode the elevator upstairs Mulder thought back to the previous gruesome weeks. FBI agents had been disappearing from the D.C. area, their bodies turning up weeks later, horribly mutilated. But the bodies weren't the worst part. The killer had been making videotapes of each agent, first being tortured, then a second videotape of the murder. Four agents had died so far and all the agents had a common tie: the videos were being sent to Walter Skinner, and each of the victims had once worked closely with him, had been friends with him.

"Do you suppose he's going to warn us to be careful again?" Scully asked, watching the numbers light up on the elevator.

"How much more careful can we be? The next step is an armed guard," Mulder replied. The doors swung open and he led the way to Skinner's office.

"Hi Kim, we're here for the meeting." Scully found Kim, Skinner's secretary, gazing fondly at a new photograph she was placing on her desk. "I haven't seen him before. Special someone?"

Kim grinned. "Yeah. I've known him for about two months. It's starting to get serious. He doesn't like having his picture taken, but I managed to get one candid shot without him noticing, just for my desk. He's a good looking guy, huh?"

Scully dutifully looked at the photograph. "He's cute, all right."

"And he even cooks." Kim sighed. "He's about the only positive thing in my world right now. You heard about the videotape AD Skinner just got?" Both agents nodded. "Well, Agent Weller is dead. They'd been friends for 20 years. I'll let the Assistant Director know that you're here." Kim spoke softly into the phone then nodded to Mulder and Scully. "You can go in now."

Mulder and Scully took their accustomed seats in Skinner's office. Mulder noted that Skinner looked like he hadn't slept in days. His usually crisp shirt was wrinkled and his face was more than usually lined.

"Agents, as you already know, I've had some more bad news today. Agent George Weller appears to be the latest victim of our newest serial killer. We haven't found the body yet, but that's only a matter of time." Skinner opened a desk drawer and pulled out a videotape.

"Agent Mulder, would you take a look at this videotape and give me any impressions you can form of its contents?" Skinner's hand shook a bit as he gave the tape to Mulder. "It's a copy, the original is being examined by forensics."

Mulder took the tape. "Has there been any progress identifying the UNSUB?"

Skinner shook his head. "No. The conclusions you've already given me are consistent with the task force's findings. The agents who were victimized have only one common tie, their relationship to me. None of them ever worked on the same cases or task forces. We are concluding that this killer wants to get my attention for some reason, that his activities are focused on me. They were taken when they were outside the Hoover building, in their homes, on the street. At this point, the best that I can say is that the victim pool is comprised of people I call friends within the Bureau."

"That makes sense. I've examined the tapes you've provided but haven't turned up any more information than the team has already gleaned. The task force has already determined that there must be two UNSUBs here, one to man the camera and a second to assault the agent. The figure on the screen is always the same: a man clad in dark jeans and long sleeved shirt with ski mask, age probably between 25 and 40, athletic, Caucasian, 6', 200 pounds. He wears a ski mask and never turns his face to the camera. The videos appear to depict real-time events, with the most gruesome scenes edited in from a larger film archive."

Mulder gave Skinner a serious look. "The bastards are keeping the camera running for days while they torture the agent to death, then they prepare the tapes from the film store. Is there anything we can do? I know that Scully's and my investigation of this matter is strictly unofficial, but is there anything more that we can do? We'd really like to help on this one."

Skinner gave both Mulder and Scully a grim smile. "I appreciate that. I've already warned you to take precautions, but I'd like to warn you again. I don't want to watch a video starring either of you. But I know better than to pull you off the case. For my money, you two have the best chance of solving this and I'll take you up on your offer. Too many good people have died...." Skinner's voice died away. He cleared his throat. "So don't get sloppy, or I'll kick your collective asses."

"Sir, if I might offer a little advice?" Scully smiled hesitantly at Skinner. "You don't look like you've been sleeping. You might feel better if you took a nap."

"Agent Scully, that's a fine suggestion and I have no doubt I'd feel more energized, but nothing can make me feel better until that killer is caught." Nevertheless, as the agents left the office they could see Skinner stretching out on his couch.

* * *

**4:30 Basement Office**

Mulder watched the new video again, then slowed it to a frame by frame resolution. Mulder focused on the figures on the screen trying to force his mind into the killer's thought processes. He'd already studied the victimology of the five dead agents. Each had either worked with or been supervised by Walter Skinner, and each had been considered a friend by him. The agents tended to be in their thirties and forties, so far only male agents had been taken.

That gave Mulder some silent comfort. If the killers had a preference for males, then Scully was less at risk. He glanced over at her, bent over her desk studying a file intently. Of course, he'd never tell her that. He still valued his life and didn't want a gunshot wound in the other shoulder.

Mulder rubbed his eyes and put his glasses back on. Damned contacts just weren't meant for this kind of unbroken staring at CRT screens. He refocused his entire being on the video again and lost himself in the killer's thoughts.

His concentration was abruptly broken when the screen went dark.

"Hey!" Mulder looked up to see Scully with her hand on the knob.

"Mulder, it's 7 p.m. and you've been staring at that video since noon without a break. It's time to stop for the day," she said patiently.

Mulder leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms and neck. "Yeah, you're right Scully. We can't let ourselves get too run down on this one, or we'll do something stupid. Why don't I drive you home?"

Scully gave Mulder a relieved look. This was going much more easily than she'd expected. Normally Mulder put up a longer fight. "Okay, I'll get my coat." She went to the coatrack at the back of the office and collected her trenchcoat. "I have to say I'm glad that we're carpooling until this crisis is over. I feel uncomfortable with you riding the Metro in to work."

"Well, we're carpooling for the duration, but I'll be glad when we don't have to fight the traffic." Mulder led Scully to his car and opened the door for her. "Since three of the agents were kidnapped from their homes and the other two on their way to work (not on the Metro, I might add), I don't see that riding public transit is a major risk factor." Mulder saw Scully's lips tighten, and swiftly added, "But I do think it's a good idea for us to travel in pairs, for added security." And so that I can make sure you get home safely, he silently added.

They arrived at Scully's apartment and Mulder escorted her inside. They both cautiously entered and searched for evidence of intruders before Scully sighed with relief. "Okay Mulder, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7:30 and we can search _your_ apartment after work."

Mulder leered. "Scully, you can search me anytime you want." Scully just smiled and shut the door in his face.

* * *

**Day 2 7:15 a.m.**

Scully mulled over the case while she drove to Mulder's apartment. She didn't really believe that they were in any danger. As nearly as she could determine, the agents affected were all older and had worked with Skinner as a peer at some time in their careers. She and Mulder were junior agents; they simply didn't fit that part of the profile, no wonder what concerns Skinner had about them.

She checked her rearview mirror. Damn, that blue dodge was still tailgating her. She gave the car more gas and was happy when the car turned off the block before Mulder's apartment building. She parked in front and went in to find Mulder.

His door opened quickly at her knock, and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Of course she expected Mulder to be there waiting, safe and sound. He was in no danger; of course not.

"Good morning, Mulder. You ready to go?" Mulder looked brushed and dressed, but tired. "How late did you stay up studying the case?" she added.

Mulder smiled guiltily. "Can't fool you. Yeah, I was up reading it till about 3 a.m. Didn't reach any more conclusions, though." Mulder followed Scully down the hallway to the elevator.

"We'll get him," Scully said confidently.

"Yeah, but how much hell does Skinner go through until we do? Scully, I've never seen him this tense,"

Mulder frowned and folded his arms. "He knows that he's the real target, and he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Scully looked troubled. "Do you think the killers will go for him?"

"Inevitably, yes. They have to rub it into his face, laugh at him with their triumph. In a way, they're killing Skinner's family, since the Bureau is his life. He's not close to anybody but his friends and associates at work." Mulder gave Scully a weary look. "But he already knows that. That's why he called us in. We know him well enough to put all the pieces together. I just wish we could come up with something."

The two agents stepped out of the building together into a bright spring day. Halfway to the car, Mulder suddenly felt a cloth thrown over his head and a heavy body throwing him down onto the pavement. He could hear a scuffle that said Scully had also been downed. He could feel himself being dragged, probably to a car, and began to struggle harder, trying to shout for help. He felt a cold gun-barrel at the back of his neck and a soft voice say "Stop struggling or you die right now."

Mulder let his body go limp, and strained his ears for Scully. "You don't have to do this," he started, then felt the gun club him on the head. He saw stars and while he was trying not to pass out he heard the voice hiss at him "Shut up, now! Or your pretty partner gets it, but good."

Mulder clamped his mouth shut. They had Scully, then. He was hustled into the back of a van, probably business-type panel van, and his hands and legs were bound with heavy cords. He felt hands frisk him and remove his Sig from the waist holster. For a brief second he hoped they'd miss the ankle gun, but that hope was lost when they took that too.

A soft body landed next to his with an "oof!". He smelled Chanel No. 5 and knew it was Scully.

"Mulder are you ok?" He heard her whisper anxiously. "They told me they'd shoot you if I didn't stop struggling. I heard them hit you."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I've got a hard head. I'm tied, how about you? Do you still have your weapon? They took mine."

"Mine, too. I'll try to loosen the ties."

Mulder could feel her struggle, and he did as well. The bindings didn't budge.

Mulder heard a body moving between the two of them, then felt a cloth pressed over his mouth with a sickly sweet smell. Drugged...he thought drowsily, then the world went black.

* * *

**Day 2 Location Unknown 10:00 a.m.**

Mulder could feel cold cement against his right cheek. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but blackness, and momentarily feared blindness until he realized that he was in a darkened room. He was lying prone on a cement floor, his hands still bound behind him as well as his ankles. At least the cloth had been removed from his head.

Scully. Where was Scully? He inched his body together and managed to kneel. He peered into the darkness, grateful that his eyes were finally adjusting. He saw a figure in the shadows and moved over to it.

He nudged it with his knee and heard a sigh, then Scully rolled over to her side and flinched away until she realized it was Mulder.

"Scully, are you okay?"

"Yeah...yeah. My mouth feels like an old pair of wool socks, though. You?"

"I'm all right. They must have just dumped us here. I wonder what they're waiting for?" Mulder sat down next to Scully and watched as she pulled herself into a sitting position.

"Maybe they were out of film. Mulder, we've got to get out of here." Scully looked around the room, searching for exits. Mulder did the same.

"I know," Mulder said quietly. "But we have to plan for every eventuality."

"What do you mean, every eventuality?" Scully demanded.

"Scully, we have to get as much information as we can about these people and this place. If we can't get out in time..." Mulder paused and then continued. "We know that at least one video will go out to Skinner. We have to make sure that something is on it, some clue to lead them to us."

* * *

**Day 2 10:00 a.m. Hoover Building**

"Sir?"

A.D. Skinner looked up from his desk. He'd been in since 4:00 that morning after a night spent tossing and turning, and looked it.

"Yes, Kim, what is it?" He stifled a yawn and took a gulp from his mug of coffee, grimacing at the taste.

"Sir, I called Agent Mulder to give him your message about the case, but there was no answer in his office. So I checked and neither he, nor Agent Scully have reported for work today. Nobody has seen them, and telephone calls to their homes aren't answered. Should I send somebody out to check on them?" Kim stood uncertainly.

Skinner's eyes widened and took on a look of intense pain. He looked down, away from Kim's stare. "Call Agent Simmons to check Agent Scully's apartment. I'll go myself to Mulder's. I'll call in an hour. If you don't hear from me, call the police and alert the Director." He pulled his gun from his holster and checked the clip, then pulled on his trenchcoat and walked swiftly out the door.

As he drove himself to Mulder's apartment first, he couldn't shake the feeling that this had been inevitable. Damn it! He'd warned them to be careful, but somehow careful never worked for these two. Another pair of agents...friends...gone.

Skinner rubbed his right eye, damned dust. The past years had been rough. He didn't have any family to begin with, then Sharon had divorced him. All he had left that he valued was his career, and the people at the Bureau. And now that was being taken from him.

Five agents, first Dave Winship, his first partner. Hadn't really gotten together in years, they'd kept intending to go out for a drink and really catch up. Now they never would. Joe Bishop and Ed Meers, both talented, smart agents, ex-Marines, now both on a morgue slab. Jerry Carter had always prided himself on his charm and his way with the ladies; had a little black book that was the envy of the bullpen. Not now. Nick Weller left behind a wife and two kids, both under the age of 10.

They were all gone. And now Mulder, irritating, brilliant and intensely loyal, was missing. And Scully. _Ah, Scully, if I weren't your boss_....Skinner shook his head. She and Mulder were a pair, and would be a couple some day when Mulder got his head out of his ass. Scully'd been waiting patiently for years for him to wake up.

Skinner pulled up to Mulder's apartment house and went upstairs to Mulder's apartment. He pulled a lock-pick from his pocket and opened the door. Inside everything looked fine, no signs of struggle. The light on Mulder's answering machine was blinking, so Skinner listened to the messages. There were only two, the first from Scully reminding Mulder that she planned to pick him up by 7:30 and he'd better be ready or else. The second was Kim's message asking Mulder to call back.

Skinner turned back to the empty room. So Scully would have been here by 7:30. Since she was gone, too, she must have come here and been taken too. Skinner closed the door behind him and began walking back to the elevator, his eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.

Downstairs, his cell phone chirped. Agent Simmons had found nothing out of the ordinary. Skinner thanked him grimly and reached the obvious conclusion. They had both been taken, probably from here. He called Kim and ordered a forensics team out on the double.


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 2 10:30 a.m. Location Unknown**

A bright light splashed across the room as the door opened. Two men rushed into the room, grabbed Scully, and began to drag her toward the doorway. Mulder couldn't see their faces, only their silhouettes against the light.

"Hey! Where are you taking her? Hey!" Mulder yelled frantically. He forced himself into a standing position and hopped as fast as he could toward the doorway. The men slammed the door behind them, leaving Mulder standing alone in the dark.

He kept yelling, and made his way to the door then pressed his ear flat against it, listening hard. He could hear muffled voices, men's he thought, but not Scully's.

_Damn it, Scully,_ he bit his lip and prayed silently. _Do something! Fight back!_

Then he did hear something, Scully yelling, loud and enraged. Then he heard a thud, like a blow falling on flesh and a cry. Then more crying.

That did it. Mulder began to roar and threw himself against the door. Again and again he pushed his whole body against the door and yelled every obscenity he could think of at the top of his lungs. The force of the impact kept throwing him back against the floor, but he crawled back up and tried again, still yelling. The door didn't budge.

Near tears, Mulder kept trying. When his left shoulder felt too bruised and painful, he began with his right. The door didn't move. His cheek was bruised by his last fall, but he pushed himself against the door with all his strength.

He kept pounding, and yelling as loud as he could. He finally had to stop. Panting, he knelt on the floor, despair flooding him._ No, can't give in to that. Gotta get to her._

Mulder stood again and prepared to throw himself against the door again, when it opened. A tall man, dressed in black with ski mask stood there, holding a gun.

"You seem to want out of that room so much, we figured we'd oblige you. Come on." He gestured with his gun then stopped when Mulder didn't move. "Oh yeah, I forgot. Benny! Come here!"

A second man in black came over and took the gun from the first. The tall man pulled a penknife from his pocket and cut the ties at Mulder's wrists and ankles. Mulder thought briefly of trying to attack one of the two men, but his feet and hands were stiff and numb. And the gun was planted firmly against his left ear. He'd get to Scully first, and wait for his chance.

The big man grabbed Mulder's right arm in a bruising grip while "Benny" kept the gun at his temple. Together they moved Mulder into the open area.

Mulder noticed that they were in a large building, maybe an old warehouse. He was led to a corner of the building where lights had been set up and tarps laid down on the floor. And huddled on that floor was a naked Scully, tied and struggling not to sob out loud.

"Scully!" Mulder tried to break away from the man, but he anticipated the move and kicked his left leg behind Mulder's knee, forcing him to the floor.

"Scully! Let me go to her! Please...!" Mulder's face was ground against the dirty cement as he fought to get away. "Please..let me help her." Mulder's voice broke as he pled.

The big man pulled Mulder to his feet and dragged a stumbling Mulder over to Scully.

She cowered, trying to cover herself, until she saw it was Mulder. Mulder could see a long bruise on her cheek and more on her shoulders and breasts. The man threw Mulder at Scully, then stood back.

"I'll let you get reacquainted. Make one suspicious move and I shoot you both."

Mulder moved over to Scully, his searching her eyes, and deliberately keeping his glance above her neck. He could give her that much privacy.

"Oh Mulder..."she said brokenly. She moved into his arms and snuggled against his chest. Her arms were still tied behind her, but not her legs, he noted grimly. She couldn't hug him, but he could hold her. So he wrapped both arms around her while she cried.

"Scully, it's all right. Whatever they did to you, we'll get through this," Mulder murmured into her ear.

"Mulder, they...they were about to rape me. Their hands were all over me, and...and... in me, both of them. When you made so much noise, they got mad and said they were going to get you out here. To watch. Oh Mulder, I'm so sorry and I'm so afraid." Her voice fell to a whisper against his chest and he knew what it cost her to admit that.

"Hey now, look at the lovebirds Kurt!" Called Benny to the taller man. "She's really got the hots for him, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, it really is a shame, when he likes her so much, too." Kurt fingered his gun.

Mulder turned and looked at Kurt over his shoulder, his stare filled with anguish and rage. He said nothing, just held Scully tighter.

"I think we upset him, didn't we?" Benny grinned. "Maybe we should give him his chance with her, huh?"

Kurt looked at Benny and nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's see if those FBI pricks are as macho as they act....You!" Kurt addressed Mulder. "You got a choice. Either we do her and you watch, or you do her and we watch, give us a little free sex show. So, what are ya gonna do?"

Kurt cocked his gun. "Of course, we could just shoot you right there and fuck her anyway. But where's the fun in that?" He grinned. "So, you and the lady can decide."

Mulder gulped, not believing his ears. He could feel Scully stiffen in his arms. He glanced down at her, afraid of what he'd see.

"Scully, I've been looking around the room and I don't see a way out. They're both armed. But I'm looking Scully, I'm looking," Mulder whispered desperately. "Scully, I can't do this. I just can't."

She looked up at him, tears running down her face. "It's okay, Mulder," she whispered. "Whatever you choose, it's okay."

"Scully....they want me to hurt you." Mulder murmured back, fighting his own tears. "I can't do that."

"Mulder, you could never hurt me. Not here, not anywhere. I'm so afraid, and I feel so helpless. If this is going to happen, if we can't stop it...I...I'd rather this happen at the hands of a friend...but I don't want you hurt." Scully gave him a long look, her eyes full of trust and love and fear.

"No good. I'm...affected...either way...I'll do what you want, Scully. It's your call." He cupped her cheek and returned her gaze. "All right. Forgive me."

Mulder stood away from Scully. "I'm only asking one thing. If I do this, none of you touches her again. I'll do any damned thing you want, and you can do anything you want to me, but nobody touches her. Is that agreed?"

"Yeah, it's a deal. Besides, you'll provide a better show than what we'd already planned." Kurt backed up and turned on a bank of lights. Mulder could see two video cameras already set up. "Skinner will shit his pants when he sees this one." Kurt chuckled.

Mulder could see Scully squint against the light, her head bowed, her hands still tied behind her. He moved in front of her to shield her. "Untie her. You have to untie her." Mulder stood his ground. "Nothing happens until her arms are free."

Kurt moved over to Mulder and crooked an elbow around his throat, pointing the gun at his head. "Okay, Benny--go ahead and cut the ropes. Miss Scully, just realize that one wrong move and your partner, here gets it." Scully nodded, wide eyed and held out her wrists. Benny cut the tie quickly, then backed away, toward the cameras. They could all hear the click, buzz of first one, then a second video camera rolling. Benny came back and stood behind Kurt, holding his gun on Scully, but careful not to block the cameras.

"Well now, since I'm the director of this flick, I guess I call the shots," Kurt sneered and pushed Mulder forward, still training the gun on him. "Mr. Mulder, why don't you lose the clothing...fast."

"How do you know our names?" Mulder asked tensely as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. "For that matter, how did you know where to find us?"

"I know a lot about you, about all of you. I know where you live, where you work, when you leave each day. And you'll never guess how."

"Try me." Mulder said as pleasantly as he could. His fingers moved more slowly on the buttons, playing for time.

"No, I'm not going there. Let's just say my source isn't what you'd expect. Now move faster, or Benny and I'll take your turn with the lady." Kurt motioned toward Scully, keeping the gun on Mulder.

"Why do you have to do this? What did we ever do to you?" Mulder moved faster and finished with the shirt more quickly than he liked.

"You're important to somebody I hate. He's gonna be awful alone in the world when I'm done. And don't try any of that psychological shit with me. I know about your background and I don't want you messing with my mind. So pick up the speed or grow an extra hole in your head!"

Mulder had no choice but to move faster. Soon he was down to his boxers, then regretfully removed them and neatly folded them on top of the pile of clothing.

Kurt gestured with the gun again and Mulder reluctantly moved over to where Scully sat on the tarp covered floor. "Nice accomodations they've got for us, huh Scully? A regular honeymoon suite." Mulder commented as he sat down next to her, studiously trying not to look at her. Scully focused on Mulder's eyes and attempted to give him a reassuring look. Her hand crept into his, and he grasped it firmly.

"All right now, let's see some action. How about a little kissing, then you go down on her. Women like that, don't they Benny?" Kurt folded his arms but kept the gun ready.

"Yeah, they sure do, Kurt," Benny replied cheerfully, continuing to point the gun at the back of Scully's head.

Mulder positioned himself carefully atop Scully and whispered in her ear as he nibbled her earlobe. "I'm so sorry, Scully. I'll keep looking for a chance to make a break for it. Maybe I could rush them, give you a chance to get away." He nibbled lower on her neck.

Scully gasped and whispered back. "Don't do anything stupid. They have guns, both of them." Mulder's body lay heavy and warm on her cold skin.

Mulder took her face in both of his hands. "I won't." He whispered and tenderly kissed her. Scully froze, then sighed and relaxed. This was Mulder, and she trusted him not to hurt her.

"Hey, pick it up there! Let's see some action!" Scully could see Mulder's eyes go dark and still, remembering where they were and the circumstances.

She caught his hands, still cupping her face. "Hey, Mulder, nobody here but us. Okay? Look at me. Look just at me."

Mulder nodded and concentrated fiercely, looking deeply into Scully's blue eyes. Then he began to caress her body, moving slowly downwards.

Scully kept her gaze locked on Mulder, listening to the loud breathing of the watchers, the whirring of the cameras, and felt despair well up inside her.

Mulder had made his way down to the patch of auburn curls between Scully's legs. Scully's loving eyes were like a lifeline and Mulder was sorry to abandon it.

"C-mon! Eat her! Do I have to show you how?" Kurt called, then walked over and stood next to the couple, watching closely.

He did as instructed, using hands and tongue, trying to convey gentleness and love through his touch. He felt Scully's fingers twine in his hair, then he felt her stiffen, then shudder and he knew he was hurting her, humiliating her. He burned with anger at these sadistic killers, forcing him to this choice. After this, if they survived, she'd never want to see him again; never want to remember...this. He was conscious of Kurt overhead, with the gun. He'd hardly miss at this range. He felt Scully shudder again, harder. _She's scared. I'm hurting her. Damn it._ Mulder looked up to see Scully lying back with her eyes closed.

"Okay, now screw her." Kurt instructed. "Unless you'd rather I do it."

Scully's eyes opened, a look of panic in them. "No," said Mulder quickly. "A deal's a deal." _Problem is,_ thought Mulder, _I'm not hard and I'm not sure I can be, here and now. Damn._ He surreptitiously brought his right hand down to try and help things along, but remained flaccid.

Kurt noticed. "Hey Benny, get this on film! The big FBI man's got a limp dick! I always thought those Feds were wusses! Don't know what to do with a woman even if they get one!" Kurt began to unzip his jeans.

"No, wait," Scully sat up and moved closer to Mulder, and reached warm hands atop his own clammy ones. "Let me help. Look at me, Mulder. Only at me." She spoke soothingly as she began to caress him, the voice of a hundred quiet fantasies he'd mercilessly squelched for six years. If it weren't so sick, he'd laugh at the irony of it.

Soon he was erect and Scully lay back and pulled him on top of her, then guided him inside. Mulder pushed into her carefully. She wasn't as dry as he expected but she was tight and tense. As he entered her she bit her lip, closed her eyes and grimaced.

"Scully, are you all right? Shit! I'm hurting you," he whispered frantically, fighting tears.

"No. It's okay. I'm okay." She whispered back and met his eyes again. Mulder nodded and began to move slowly and gently until Scully began to relax. Mulder saw Kurt out of the corner of his eye and moved faster and harder.

She wasn't okay. She was breathing heavily and her eyes were still closed, shutting him out, shutting the world out. He felt her shudder again. Damn he had to do something. And more frustrating was the warm feeling of pleasure building in his groin. He had no right to feel anything in this situation. Not anything. And when he stopped making love to her, what then? _Then, they kill us,_ the sour little voice in back of his head chortled. Thus ends my first and only sexual encounter with Dana Scully.

"Mulder." A soft voice broke his reverie. "You aren't  
looking at me. Look at me."

Mulder fixed his eyes on Scully and found no blame, no resentment of him there. Just trust and love. He let go of his body's reactions then, knowing that they were a normal response to this woman.

"Mulder, it's not your fault. But I'm glad it's you, and not them. I'm glad you chose to help me. And I know it hurts..." Scully murmured in his ear as he moved in her.

Soon Mulder reached his climax and grew still, lying in a sweaty heap on top of Scully's equally sweaty body. Her hands were still twined in his hair, gently stroking it. He'd kept eye contact with her even after the orgasm took him, telling her with his glance that she was still his center.

Rough hands pulled Mulder away from Scully. Kurt had his gun and Benny stood next to him, unzipping his jeans.

"No!" Mulder howled. "That was the deal! Nobody touches her! Leave her alone!"

Mulder rushed at Kurt, grabbing wildly for the gun. Benny tried to help, but was tripped up when Scully tackled him. Benny gathered up Scully and threw her down and away, then launched himself at Mulder.

Mulder, still fighting with Kurt and now with Benny, felt a stab of hope. "Scully! Run!" He yelled. She got up and hesitated. "Damn it, _go_!" he cried. She didn't wait any longer, but dashed out of sight and, he hoped, out a door.

Mulder focused on keeping Kurt and Benny occupied. Benny remembered that he had a gun and turned to run after Scully. Mulder deliberately threw himself onto Kurt, piling the two of them on top of Benny. By the time the tangle resolved itself, Scully would be far away. He hoped.

Mulder felt himself being grabbed by the hair and thrown onto his stomach, a gun at the base of his neck. Kurt had him, and Benny took off after Scully. _Run, Scully, for God's sake, run,_ he prayed silently.

After a few minutes Benny returned. "Can't find her. I think she got to the highway and somebody must have picked her up. We've gotta get out of here."

"Yeah," said Kurt, staring fixedly at Mulder. "But first, there's payback."

* * *

**Day 3 3:30 a.m. Memorial Hospital**

Skinner strode quickly down the hallway, his trenchcoat flapping against his legs. At the emergency room desk he flashed his badge.

"I'm Walter Skinner. I'm here to see Agent Dana Scully, Detective Morris called me." Skinner looked up at the approach of a small boned woman with dark hair and eyes.

"Mr. Skinner? I'm Helen Morris, from the Vernon P.D. Why don't we go into the conference room and talk. Sitting down at the table, she picked up a file and opened it. "I understand that you are Dana's superior? She asked us to call you as soon as possible."

"How is she? Can I see her?" Skinner asked anxiously. "What is her condition?"

"Well, she's remarkably collected for a rape victim, but her account of the incident was very clear. Of course she could well have a delayed reaction...." Morris stopped when she saw Skinner's face.

"I...I'm sorry. I thought you'd been told," she stammered. "Officer Brock told me he'd called you."

"He just said she'd been found and that they'd located the barn where the agents were held. He also said that there was some video found on site and that he'd get me a copy as soon as possible." Skinner's gave Morris a look of barely concealed anguish.

"I'm so sorry. I'm with the Rape Trauma team. I'm normally called to take the victim's statement in cases like this. Dana's still in with the doctor, so I thought I'd bring you up to speed. Brock did give me the tape."

She fished a video tape from a bag on the floor. "I haven't seen it. The original was sent to the FBI forensics labs for analysis." She gave Skinner another apologetic look and went on. "If you'd like to view it, there's a VCR in this conference room. I'll go check on Dana and see if she's up to visitors yet."

Skinner grimly took the tape and watched, unspeaking, while she left the room. Then he walked to the VCR, inserted the tape and sat back to watch.

As the events on tape unfolded, his expression became grimmer and colder. Then his hands began to clench into fists, outrage on his face. At the very end of the tape, he could no longer sit still, nor could he focus on the tape for very long. Finally, the last image faded from view and was replaced by snow. Skinner removed his glasses and rubbed furiously at his eyes. That damned dust again. They really should keep these places cleaner.

"Mr. Skinner, I...." Detective Morris walked into the room, then stopped when she saw Skinner. "I...uh..I came in to tell you that Dana's dressing and she wants to see you now."

Skinner just nodded and pulled the tape from the VCR, moving it uneasily from hand to hand. He followed Morris down a hall to a small examining room.

A very battered looking Agent Scully sat in a chair, dressed in oversized surgical scrubs, well wrapped in a blanket.

When he entered the room, she stood up and the blanket fell to the floor. "Sir, they told me they'd found the place where we were held. Is there any sign of Mulder?"

Skinner cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Agent Scully, how are you feeling?" He again nervously shifted the tape from one hand to the other, unable to meet Scully's eyes.

Scully glanced down at the tape and her eyes widened. "You know what happened, then," she said flatly.

"Yes, Dana, I do. We have your escape on video, as well as the events leading up to it. And the events which followed after." Skinner looked down at the tape in his hands as if it were a poisonous snake.

Scully met Skinner's eyes in a cold glare. "Then you know that Mulder had no choice. I had no choice."

"I understand that," Skinner said softly.

"What else did the tape show? I want to see it." Scully demanded.

"Agent Scully, you've been through a lot. You really should rest. I..don't think you want to see this tape."

"I want to see it, sir. What are you hiding from me?" Scully fixed him with a stare. "What is it that's on the tape that you don't want me to see?" Angrily she reached for the tape as Skinner took a step backwards. "Damn it! I have the right! He's my partner!"

Skinner stopped and gave Scully a long, measuring look. Then he handed the tape to her. "The VCR is across the hall, in the conference room," he said with his head bowed.

Scully ran across the hall and put the tape into the VCR. She watched doggedly through her assault at the hands of the kidnappers, then her encounter with Mulder, then watched herself escape while Mulder stayed behind. Then she heard the word "payback", saw Benny take the gun from Kurt and press it against the back of the agent's neck. Kurt approached, removed his leather belt, dropped his jeans and shorts, knelt behind Mulder and began to rape him.

Scully turned away, tears flooding her eyes, then grimly resolved to watch it to the very end, as she heard the ugly words from the tape.

"Goddammit, I told you I was the director here. I'm in charge and I call the fucking shots!" Kurt shouted as he shoved roughly into Mulder. Scully turned away from the scene and the sounds that Mulder made. And the blood.

She took a wavering breath and focused tearing eyes on the screen again. She felt Skinner's arm, warm and heavy around her shoulders. She groped blindly for the tissue he handed her.

"I own you!" Shove. "And you...you piece of shit...you're garbage! You're less than garbage!" Shove. "Because of you I lost the best piece I coulda had." Kurt's body moved rhythmically, pounding at the screaming Mulder. Then the screen went blank and was replaced by snow.

Scully turned her face into Skinner's collar and began to sob. Skinner hesitantly put his arms around her, then gently held her as she wept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Day 3 7:00 a.m. Apartment of Dana Scully**

Skinner drove Scully home, over her strenuous objections.

"You need me. I was _there_ dammit! I can help you find him." Scully was as close to hysterical as Skinner had ever seen her. He pulled the car to a stop in front of her apartment building and faced her.

"Agent Scully, you aren't in good shape right now. You need to sleep, to make sense of things. The investigation isn't stopping, in fact I can guarantee that every resource will be used to find him." Skinner gentled his voice. "Dana, you can't help him half-dead with exhaustion. Please, just sleep a little. I'm not going to keep you off this investigation, but I don't want you getting sloppy."

A woman dressed in a business suit walked over and stood by the car. Skinner looked up and waved. Scully just glared.

"I'm assigning Elaine Jacoby to you as a guard. If you were taken once, you could still be a target." Scully focused her angry stare at Skinner but still said nothing.

Skinner sighed and forced his eyes to meet hers. "Please. Don't make me worry about both of you."

That got through. Scully suddenly noticed how lined Skinner's face looked and wondered when the last time was that he'd had a night's sleep. "I'm sorry, sir. I'll go take a nap and then join you and the task force for the meeting this afternoon." She opened the car door and got out, then looked back over her shoulder. "Will you call me if you hear anything? Anything?"

Skinner nodded. "I will. I'll see you later today, Agent."

Scully wearily climbed the steps to her apartment, followed by Agent Jacoby. Once inside she quietly excused herself and took a long, hot shower. A bath was out, she reasoned, because she wanted to cry out loud and knew that the spray would muffle her voice.

If Elaine Jacoby heard anything over the sounds of the water, she gave no sign as she continued to read the magazine she'd picked up.

* * *

**Day 3 7:30 a.m.**

Skinner had just settled into his chair with a sigh when Kim magically appeared with a cup of Starbuck's and a croissant.

"Thanks, Kim," Skinner said gratefully. "It's been a night."

"I know, sir. I heard about Agent Scully. Is...there any word on Agent Mulder?" Kim eyed Skinner anxiously as he put his mug down abruptly, then looked up at her with anguished eyes.

"No. Nothing I'm at liberty to discuss," he said shortly. _Damn, if Mulder's still alive he deserves some privacy. Bad enough that word got out about Scully. She'll have to deal with curious stares from the bullpen._

"Oh. Well, if there's anything I can do to help..." Kim saw that Skinner wasn't going to say anything further and quietly left.

Skinner heard her go, grateful for the peace. Peace....oh for some peace of mind. What hadn't he done? What angle of the case hadn't been addressed? The barn was being meticulously swept for any clues larger than a molecule. Blood, and other fluid samples were being analyzed. And he should be getting a report shortly on the ownership of that property.

He swung his chair around and faced the window. Who the _Hell_ were these thugs, and why were they targeting the people around him? He hadn't lived a perfect life by a long shot, but he couldn't think of anybody motivated enough to do this. Even that black lunged smoker wouldn't do this. Skinner fully expected a bullet in the night from that man, but not today.

He grimaced at the bright, sunny day then turned his back on it, and began to read the file yet again.

* * *

**9:00 a.m. Apartment of Dana Scully**

Agent Jacoby checked the peephole, then cautiously answered the knock at the door. Maggie Scully pushed the door open and walked in, looking around her.

"Where is she?" she demanded, then stopped when she saw Agent Jacoby's gun.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Agent Jacoby asked politely.

"I'm her mother. Who are you and what are you doing here? Why are you holding a gun on me? And where is my daughter?" Maggie scanned the room, and finding no evidence of Dana, began to get scared.

"Mom? Is it you? I thought you were in California?"  
Scully stood in the doorway in flannel pajamas, her face puffy and her eyes red with weeping.

"Mr. Skinner called me late yesterday and told me that you'd been abducted, so I got on the first plane out. When I called his office from the airport, they told me you'd escaped and that you were home resting. How are you? How is Fox?" Maggie asked softly.

At the mention of Mulder, Scully began to crumple. "Oh, Mom...I left him. I left him there with those terrible people. And what they've done to him..." Maggie caught Dana up in her arms and led her back into the bedroom, where she tucked her into bed.

"Why don't you tell me about it, honey?" Maggie said, stroking her daughter's hair.

In broken phrases, Scully wearily told her about the abduction, what the men had done to her and Mulder.

"Mom, he didn't have to do it, make himself a victim too. He...he helped me. He tried to make it an act of love...not violence." Scully paused and looked down. "And he did," she whispered.

"Honey, he loves you." Maggie wrapped Scully in a hug. "He always has. He just doesn't say it."

Scully looked up, her face swollen with crying. "Mom, I left him. After...after we were done, they were going to...going to rape me too. Mulder just charged at the big one, even though he had a gun. He created a diversion and yelled at me to run. And I ran. I ran away from him and saved myself. I wasn't there to guard his back. And...Mom...I saw the..the tape they found in the barn later. They...Mulder...oh Mom, they raped him instead of me. And I left him there, for them to do that to him!"

With that Scully broke down into tears and cried harder than Maggie could remember ever seeing.

* * *

**Day 3 4:00 p.m. Office of Walter Skinner**

A.D. Skinner had just taken his seat at the conference table when Dana Scully quietly opened the door and came in. Six pairs of eyes looked up at her, then quickly looked away. They had seen the tape.

Scully paused, her face pale and dressed all in black, her eyes red and bloodshot. She looked, Skinner judged, even worse than she had when he'd dropped her off at home.

"Agent Scully. You're just on time. I've saved you a seat. You already know everyone here, except for Special Agent Davis, here. He's been profiling the UNSUBs." Scully nodded politely and took her seat next to him, folding her hands on the tabletop in front of her.

Davis turned in his seat, giving her a compassionate look. "Agent Scully, I can't tell you how sorry I am about the events that bring us here. I'm currently a profiler for Violent Crimes, and worked with Mulder years ago in the ISU. I want you to know that I'll do everything possible to get him back alive."

Scully nodded. "Thank you," she said roughly, then cleared her throat. "If any of you have any questions for me or need any of my feedback, I am at your disposal any time." She forced herself to meet his eyes and found honest sympathy there.

"All right then," Skinner began. "You've all had a look at the preliminary findings from the barn, as well as the latest tape. Lets go over our impressions. Davis?"

Davis opened his folder. "Well, sir, I reviewed the latest tape and it merely confirms my conclusions. The subject called Kurt seems to be the leader of the two. Given the nature of his assaults on Agents Scully and Mulder, I'd say that he has a strong, very strong need for control. His method for abducting the agents shows considerable advance planning, perhaps rehearsal of the kidnappings." Davis removed a photograph from the folder. Scully could see it was a frame still from the video of her and Mulder.

"The location chosen for the first taping is the same for all victims. I think we've isolated it as that barn where Agents Mulder and Scully were held. The actual killings take place at a second location, as yet unknown. I would judge that Kurt has old ties with both places, that he feels secure and comfortable there, consistent with his need for control. I have instructed the Agents researching the title to the property to get a complete title search, for at least the past 50 years. It may be that Kurt's link with this place goes back to his youth, but I am convinced that there is one. I have also recommended that agents canvas the neighborhood to see if anyone witnessed anything, or remembers a "Kurt" living in the neighborhood."

Davis softened his voice. "And the assaults against both Mulder and Agent Scully are indicative of his need for absolute control of his victims. Agent Mulder came in for the brunt of that since, by Mulder's actions, Kurt lost control of Agent Scully and she successfully escaped."

"Then, to survive, Agent Mulder should adopt a conciliating manner?" Skinner asked, eyeing Scully anxiously. She had gone still with Davis' last statement and seemed to be fighting her emotions.

"Absolutely. But Mulder will know that and, I assume, will try to be as non-threatening as possible, to avoid further attacks." Davis also hazarded a glance at Scully next to him, clearly struggling.

"Why don't we take a short break?" Skinner asked and stood up. "Agents, I believe that Kim should have some fresh coffee about now. Why don't you get some and come back in 15 minutes?"

The agents filed out, looking back suspiciously. Scully began to follow them, when Skinner caught her arm.

"Agent Scully, wait," he said firmly. "I think you've had a rough day. Why don't you go home and rest?"

Scully looked up at him with pain-filled eyes. "Sir, I can't go. Please don't make me. It's my fault he was r..r.." Scully stopped, not able to get the word out. She folded her arms and looked down, trying with all her will to stop the tears from overwhelming her. Still looking down, she went on. "If what Agent Davis says is true, it was my escape that sparked the attack on Mulder. I can't leave him there. I can't just go home and sleep when he's still out there, somewhere. And it's because of me." Scully looked up again. "Please, sir, let me help."

Skinner sighed. "All right, Agent Scully, you've made your case. But neither I, nor any of the other agents here hold you responsible for anything that's happened. And I'm confident that Mulder doesn't either. But please, stay with the team and don't go off on your own to follow up any leads."

A small shadow of a smile touched Scully's face. "I'll be a good team player, sir."

* * *

**Day 3 Place Unknown Time Unknown**

Mulder first became aware of pain, terrible pain radiating through him. Then he knew that he was cold. He'd been cold a long time. He tasted blood in his mouth, split lip, he thought.

Tied, he was tied again, ankles and wrists behind him. Lying on his side, right cheek on cold cement. _No clothes, that's why it's cold._

He opened his eyes cautiously and looked around. Big room, bigger than the last one. But there were pieces of iron hanging from the ceiling....hooks? The floor was grimy cement slab, and there were tables, long tables. What was this place?

Memory filtered back, even though he shuddered against it. The..sexual assault..._hell,_ he told himself, _no euphemisms here. I was raped, RAPED....._ He shivered at the memory. _No, don't think about it._

But memory came back and repeated, like a loop. He concentrated on breathing through his mouth, fighting down the nausea and forced himself to remember all that happened afterward.

Okay, they had tied him up again and threw him into the back of the van. And then they rode, for a long time. Hurt...the jouncing of the van....must've been dirt roads. Nobody to hear, even if he did scream for help. Came here, too weak to fight. Big building, then they threw him in here and shut the door. And left.

No blanket or clothes, guess they were in too much of a hurry. Cold...so cold.

No Scully. Thank God they hadn't caught her. That meant she was safe, and probably leading the hunt for him.

He considered his situation.

_Not sure I want to be found, Scully. At least not by you. I know you forgive me, but that's not enough. Couldn't do anything else to protect you. Should have been able to do something to protect you. He's right. I am garbage. I've fucked up your life since the day they assigned you to me. And, oh Scully, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. And I enjoyed it, touching you at last. I did...that...to you, and I then I came. I had a freakin' orgasm. I'm not much better than those jerkoffs who did me. And you don't even hold it against me. Oh Scully, it's a good thing I'm not in your life any more. Or I won't be for long at this rate._

He shifted position and felt an immediate stab of pain, then realized that he felt moisture beneath him.

_Blood,_ he thought, closing his eyes. God, he felt dirty, inside and out. _Can't do anything about it. Try to think of clean things._ The office on Monday morning with bad coffee and freshly sharpened pencils. The smell of Scully's shampoo. _No. Not that. Can't think about that._ The last game the 'Skins won. Cheesesteaks with the Lone Gunmen. Teaching Scully to bat. _No..no..She's gone. Even if I see her again, she's gone. I can't face her. Not after what I did to her._

Then memory of Kurt kept tapping at his mind. _No, no flashbacks. Not here, not now. Get away from me! Don't touch me! Please....let me alone._

Cold in here, so cold. He could feel his life draining out of him, slowly, like the drip of blood. And he didn't really regret it. So ashamed.

* * *

**Day 3 10:00 p.m. Apartment of Dana Scully**

Scully tossed and turned in bed. She knew that she ought to sleep, but she just couldn't. Agent Jacoby was peacefully resting in the guest bedroom, having been persuaded not to sleep on the couch with gun in hand.

Scully was surprised at the support she'd received from fellow agents. She had been receiving quiet greetings in the hallways all day, expressions of sympathy and the hope that Mulder would soon be found.

She'd poured herself into the investigation until Skinner had forcibly put her into a cab at 8:00 p.m.

When she'd protested, he'd said flatly, "You are going home to rest, Agent Scully, and that's an order. Agent Jacoby will drive you in tomorrow morning. And if you disobey these orders, intended to insure your safety and physical well-being, I'll put you on a stress leave so fast your head will spin."

Scully'd reluctantly gone home, where Jacoby met her. After a long bath, Scully went to her lonely bed early.

Lonely, that's what this bed was. _Wish Mulder were in it._ She absently ran her hands down her body, following the path his fingers had touched.

His touch...had been incredible. It had been a shock, the feeling of his body pressed against hers. They'd been making love at gunpoint, for goodness sake! This wasn't right, she shouldn't enjoy something like that, much less get off on the memory of it. But she reluctantly had to admit that she'd enjoyed it, Mulder loving her. A lot. She wanted more.

Her fingers found their way to her clitoris (none of these vulgar words for Dana Scully) and tried to repeat the strokes Mulder had applied so deftly. She imagined him deep inside her again, someplace safe, alone, just the two of them.

A soft moan escaped her lips. It had been hard to keep from moaning in that room, with the cameras rolling. Hard to keep her face a blank when she was having the best orgasm of her life. _Oh Mulder...._ she stiffened and relaxed back against the pillows.

Her thoughts turned dark and suddenly she wasn't as aroused. He was gone, hurt, alone. How would he feel about her abandonment? He'd told her to go, but she was supposed to be there for him, guard his back, protect him. What would it be like if she never felt his touch again?

"I have to find him," she whispered to the empty room. "_I_ have to find him."


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 3 Place Unknown Time unknown**

Mulder woke from a light doze to the sound of doors slamming open. Overhead lights came on with a glare and for the first time he could see his surroundings.

_My God,_ he thought, _I'm in a slaughterhouse._

He looked around him and recognized the overhead hooks as meat-hooks, the tables as chopping blocks. The grime on the floor...Mulder felt suddenly revolted. His blood wasn't the only red substance there. He suddenly knew where the other videotapes had been filmed, the ones with the killings.

"Well Agent Mulder, and how are you?" Kurt stalked over, carrying a video camera, which he carefully set up in a brightly lit area near one of the big chopping blocks. He moved over to Mulder and squatted down. "I hope you enjoyed our little fuck, Agent Mulder. I got the feeling you're the kind of guy who likes taking it in the ass."

Mulder said nothing, just watched him with deep eyes.

Kurt stood up again, towering over Mulder's prone form. "Good. I'm glad you've learned not to make me mad."

Mulder debated with himself. Textbook theory said that in a hostage situation you should cooperate. His background told him that this man was focused on control and on his rage. It would be dangerous to provoke him, even lethal.

But would that be such a bad thing?

Mulder closed his eyes and pictured Scully, her hair gleaming in the sun, and knew that their partnership was over. It had to be. If she could face him after this, he certainly couldn't face her. And when word got around the Bureau about what he'd done to her...she'd be humiliated. Heck, it was on tape and the Bureau probably had it by now. He imagined men like Colton watching it and sniggering. What humiliation. Mulder could take it, he was used to it.

But she shouldn't have to. If he died a hero's death here, he'd get a memorial and Scully'd have the memory of a brave partner who died in the line of duty. Surely that would cancel out a rape?

"This is where they died, isn't it?" Mulder was surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice. Oh yeah, screaming will do that to you.

Kurt kept arranging the first camera, then began to set up the second. "Yes, it is. Interesting place, huh? It's an old meat-packing plant. Closed now, of course. I used to work here, in between jobs. I've still got my knives, of course."

Benny came in and began loading film in the second camera, then adjusted a bank of lights. "Kurt, these aren't as high quality as the other cameras, but they'll work. Too bad we had to lose the other equipment."

"Yeah." Kurt nodded meaningfully at Mulder. "Don't worry, we'll get it back out of him."

Mulder lay back and struggled to keep his eyes open. What irony if he died of shock and blood loss before those assholes got around to torturing him to death. "So why are you killing FBI agents? Why do you care?"

Kurt stilled, then walked over to Mulder. "You really want to know, don't you? Okay, I'll tell you. You aren't going anywhere. Fifteen years ago, I had a family. Four brothers and my Mom. We had a good business until that asswipe Skinner came around. He was, what do you call it? ASAC? Anyway, he was in charge of an investigation that busted my family." Kurt squatted next to Mulder, the toe of his boot inches from Mulder's nose.

"They arrested the bunch of us. Mom and the boys are in for life. I played dumb and got sentenced for conspiracy. In prison I played dumber and got out early on parole. Now I'm gonna take it out of Skinner, what I've lost. He's gonna lose every friend he ever had and be just as alone as I am."

"Just what business is it that your family was in?" Mulder eyed the boot, wondering idly whether it was alligator or lizard.

"We were assassins. The best in the business." Kurt grinned, just before he kicked at Mulder's face. "And I really, really loved my work."

Mulder abruptly rolled with it and got a split cheek rather than a broken nose. "So, just because Skinner was doing his job, you're trying to get revenge on him?" Mulder panted. He hurt, hurt bad, deep inside in places he didn't like to think about. Thought he'd started bleeding again.

"I've killed for less. I hear that you and Agent Scully are really close to Skinner. Getting you two, his favorite agents, should really frost him."

"And then you kill Skinner, too?" Mulder unsuccessfully tried to keep Kurt in sight, as the man paced around him. The next kick took him in the small of the back. Mulder arched away from it and felt another stab of pain that dizzied him.

"No, I don't kill him. I leave him alone. And that's what he'll be. Alone." Kurt hauled off and kicked Mulder in the stomach. While Mulder was retching and coughing, he and Benny dragged him to the area where the cameras were set up and rolling. Between the two of them lifted him onto one of the tables. As the heaved him onto the table, Mulder saw the trail of blood that marked his path there. No wonder he felt weak and cold, still bleeding.

Mulder recognized the set. He'd stared at it for hours as he watched the videotapes of the other agents as they were slowly murdered. The cameras were set up and trained on one the table. A screen had been set up behind it, hiding the rest of the room from the camera.

He remembered, with photographic clarity, how the agents died. Each one killed the same way: they were tortured over a period of several days, usually beaten, or burned or electric shock. Then they were strangled to death.

Mulder felt Kurt untie his arms and struggled to lift them, to defend himself. But they felt like lead and Kurt easily grabbed them and tied them to the table. He did the same with Mulder's ankles, but Mulder was ready for him, kicking out furiously, managing to get Kurt in the gut.

Kurt gave a loud "oof!", then backed away and called Benny over. Each took one ankle and forcibly tied them down as well. Mulder could feel the cold surface of the table beneath him. When he was secured, Kurt walked over to a side table and removed a long, sharp filleting knife, then returned to Mulder.

"The camera rolling?" Benny waved a yes.

Mulder focused intently on Kurt's approach, then felt the burning pain as Kurt slowly embedded the knife into Mulder's right arm, starting just below the ropes and slicing up several inches. Mulder winced and shuddered.

"That's for kicking me." Kurt said shortly

"You know, I'm really here for a tattoo. Body piercings aren't really my style," he gritted.

Kurt put the knife back on the table and picked up an electrical cord with plug on one end and bare wires on the other.

"Y'know, they use this method in third world countries to torture information out of people. Let's see if it works here." Kurt plugged the cord in to an extension cord, and, holding it by the plastic insulation, jabbed it at Mulder's prone body.

A thousand years later Mulder found that he could breathe again, and was sobbing in pain, trying unsuccessfully to curl himself inward to shield his body. He could see the blood pooling from the slash in his arm. He knew he had internal injuries from the rape, hadn't stopped bleeding from the rectum yet. He didn't think he was going to last long enough for Scully to rescue him. He didn't think he wanted to, truthfully.

And even if they got to him in time, what then? He could imagine the sneering faces at the Bureau when they saw Agent-Mulder-who'd-been-raped. Bad enough that he was Spooky Mulder, the office pariah. But the pity, and the humiliation...

And Scully. Scully's face, her eyes....she'd have to look at him every day in that little office, knowing what had happened to him. And knowing what they'd done on that cold cement floor.

She'd leave him. Or he'd leave. He just couldn't face her, day in and day out. In any case, the most important part of his life had already ended. And that hope he'd always cherished that someday, somehow, they'd get together and....well, not now. She couldn't possibly, now. If she'd ever wanted him before (maybe she had, a little?), she wouldn't now. She'd always see Kurt or Benny, holding a gun on them, or she'd see Mulder at the mercy of that bastard, screaming his lungs out. _I'm sorry Scully. I just can't do it._

"Hey, Kurt! What kind of dumbass uses the same hideout for every crime? Huh? This is a damned abattoir--that's French for slaughterhouse, you damned ignorant prick! You sure don't show much imagination, do you?"

Mulder didn't see it coming, but couldn't have avoided it even if he had. He lurched as Kurt's fingers tightened around his throat until the world began to swim around him. Then Kurt released his grip and went back for the electrical cord. When he could breathe again, Mulder taunted him, using his best ivy league voice and vocabulary.

The shocks came consistently, applied to all the sensitive parts of his body until he could no longer distinguish their source. Didn't matter. He deserved it anyway. It would be over soon. All the pain in the various places in his body began to mingle into a red haze. As Mulder dropped into unconsciousness, he hoped that Scully would find somebody and marry, have a real life.

* * *

**Day 4 7:30 a.m. Hoover Building**

Dana Scully all but ran into A.D. Skinner's office. His phone call had been brief but to the point. A tape had been dropped off at the front doorway to the Hoover building, with Skinner's name on it.

"Have you viewed it yet?" she asked anxiously, closing the door behind her.

Skinner pushed the tape into his VCR, then turned to her. "Just looking at it now," he said, and hit the power button.

Agent Davis gave Scully a brief smile and wave, before focusing on the tape.

Scully slowly sat down before her knees could give out, and twisted her hands in her lap. She held herself very still and tried to keep her face impassive. She grew increasingly anxious as she watched the tape.

"I don't understand. Spooky knows better than this..." Davis muttered. "He's got to know this guy is a control freak. Why is he taunting him?"

Skinner looked at Scully, worried. "Agent Scully, can you give us some insight on Agent Mulder's motivations?"

Scully watched until the tape ended with Mulder's unconsciousness (not death, thank God, not yet). Then she slowly began to speak.

"Sir, I...I think I can tell what Mulder's behavior indicates, and you're right. He isn't applying the recommended behavioral model. I would agree with Agent Davis, that Mulder knows better. Mulder has analyzed his attacker thoroughly, and has decided not to apply a strategy that will preserve his life." Scully stopped when her voice began to tremble.

"Scully, do you mean to say that he's trying to commit suicide?" Skinner was aghast.

"Sir, I think that...because of the traumas of the past days, that Agent Mulder has given up any hope of reclaiming his life. He's...decided to die."

The room was silent for a second.

Scully's quiet voice began again. "I noted the slash in his wrist. Between that and the other blood loss, he is clearly going into shock. He can't last long. We have to get to him, now."

Davis nodded. "Agreed, especially if Kurt's level of violence against Mulder is escalating."

Skinner took off his glasses and polished them. "We are having the video from the door-camera analyzed, and should have some still pictures soon. And the title report on the first site was due this morning. Let's see if it has arrived." Skinner went to the door and returned with an envelope.

He pulled the document out and laid it on the table top, all the agents reading it closely. Skinner stopped at the third name down.

"Oh my God," he whispered. "I know one of these names. Eva-Lee Willard owned this land."

"Who is she?" Scully asked hopefully, taking the paper from Skinner's hand.

"The Willard family. They are, were, a family of hired killers. The father started the business, then when he died of a heart attack, Eva-Lee picked up where he left off. Each of her sons joined the family business, Joseph, William, Carter, John and Kurt. I was ASAC on the case and helped to arrest the lot of them." Skinner smiled, remembering. "It was my first time as ASAC, and I was so proud of that bust. They all went up on life terms except for the youngest, Kurt. The jury found him guilty only on conspiracy."

Skinner remembered where he was and sobered. "That's it, then. One of them must be out and remembering old scores." He went to his desk ans scribbled down the names, then walked over to the door and opened it.

"Kim, would you contact the file room and have them get these files out of storage? This is a rush!"

For the first time in days, Skinner smiled.

Kim smiled back in relief. "Good news, sir?"

"We may have a break in the case. Please tell them to hurry."

Skinner moved to the telephone to track down the whereabouts of the Willard family members. An hour later he put the phone down, concerned.

"It's just been verified. Kurt Willard was released on parole three months ago. His parole officer hasn't seen him in over thirty days, but he was last reported living in the Virginia area."

* * *

**10:30 a.m.**

The files arrived and all three agents dug into the Kurt Willard folder. Scully read over Skinner's shoulder, looking at pertinent data...date of birth December 15, 1960..that puts the age right. Weight, height were consistent. Then she saw the last place of employement.

"Oh my God," Scully said softly.

"What is it?" Davis and Skinner clustered near her.

"His last job was with a slaughterhouse. He was a butcher for five years before he was arrested. Mulder called the place an abattoir, a slaughterhouse. When we were kidnapped, he said that we should try to insert clues into the tape."

Scully grabbed the VCR remote and ran the tape back. There it was, slaughterhouse.

"Let's get the warrants." Skinner went to the door and called for Kim.

"Kim, I'm sorry but you'll have to be late for your lunch date. I need you to type the paperwork for a search warrant for the Buford Meatpacking Company. Here's the address. And I need that yesterday!"

Davis arranged for the swat team and Scully just prayed.

* * *

**Day 4 2:00 Hoover Building**

"Sir, the lab managed to get a good security-cam photo of the man who dropped off the video." Davis pulled open a manila envelope and showed Skinner and Scully a snapshot. Scully took a close look at it, then stilled. She looked up at Skinner, her face pale.

"Excuse me," she said and went into Kim's office. "Kim, can I borrow that picture of your boyfriend for a minute? Thanks."

Scully carefully carried the ornate frame into the office and handed it to Skinner. He and Davis both did a double-take.

"That's how he knew where we lived, and who your friends at the Bureau are, sir. He's been dating Kim for the past two months." Scully paused, her hand to her mouth and her eyes stricken. "Oh no, they had lunch today, didn't they? Kim was doing the paperwork for the search warrants."

Skinner was bolting through the office door before Scully had finished the sentence.

Kim was flustered, but explained that yes, she did talk about her job. He seemed so interested, thought she was such a fascinating person. His name? Oh, Kurt, Kurt Wilson.

Scully and Skinner cast each other significant looks, then handed Kim the security camera photo. Kim grew pale and nodded.

"That looks like him," she said miserably.

"Did you tell him about the raid today?" Scully asked urgently.

Kim looked down, ashamed. "I...I was late to lunch. And I know I'm not supposed to talk about it, but he just got it out of me, about the meat packing plant."

"He knows." Skinner said flatly. "Damn! We've got to get there fast, before he can move Mulder."

"Or kill him." Scully voiced the unspoken thought of them all.


	5. Chapter 5

**2:30 p.m. Slaughterhouse**

The door to the building slammed open. Benny looked up quickly to see Kurt stride in.

"Hey, don't forget your hat!" Benny hissed. Kurt stopped and put his ski mask on quickly.

"He's not gonna see anything, anyway. He's half dead." Kurt gestured to the table where Mulder remained spread-eagled.

"Just the same, I don't want to go back to prison. Not 'cause of the likes of him." Benny gestured toward Mulder. "So when are you gonna finish him off? This one gives me the creeps. I think he _wants_ us to kill him."

"No time. The Feds have found this place and they're coming. We have to get out of here. Come on, let's pack up the cameras."

Benny began to dismantle the video cameras. "What do we do with _him_? Do you have another place?"

Kurt stopped packing and stood thoughtfully. "Not for us, no. But for him...maybe." Kurt disappeared through a doorway.

Mulder dimly heard the conversation through the roaring in his head. The pain had died down and he didn't want to reawaken it, so he lay still. He felt so tired, groggy. He was mildly surprised to find himself still alive. _Wonder how much time it's been..._

"All right, you got the cameras packed?" Kurt came out the doorway, dusting his hands.

"Yeah. But are we gonna leave him here?"

"Oh yeah, but they won't find him. When the family was in business, killing wasn't all we did. We made a good income drug-running. Come on, let's grab him and I'll show you." Kurt went to Mulder's wrists and cut the ropes, then carefully tied the wrists together with new. Benny did the same with Mulder's ankles. Mulder was slammed out of his soft semi-consciousness when Kurt gave the knots at his slit wrist a jerk that ran fire up his arm.

He pried open his eyes and dimly saw himself being carried down a flight of steps and tried to struggle, but they were too strong and too fast. He felt himself being shoved into a metal, box-like container. The door was slammed shut with a laugh and he was alone in the dark. Small, close, stuffy space surrounded him. The air wasn't fresh...where was this? It felt...like a coffin, a metal coffin just big enough to hold a man. So, not tortured to death after all, just suffocated, he noted distantly. Then he felt himself beginning to slip away again and, with a thought for Scully, regretfully let go.

Upstairs, Kurt had finished stuffing the last bit of camera equipment into his bag, when they heard a sharp cry from the shadows of the building.

"FBI! Freeze!"

"Damn!" Kurt ducked behind the table and grabbed his gun out of his belt. Benny, at his side did the same.

"Shit! I'm not going back to prison, not for this," Benny hissed, then jumped up and fired wildly.

A rain of gunfire came from the shadows and cut him down before he could dive for cover.

Scully, in her bulletproof vest and FBI jacket, crouched next to Skinner. "Damn it, sir, call them off! Mulder's still in here! They could kill him with friendly fire! Call them off!"

Skinner nodded and barked orders into his walkie-talkie and the guns silenced. They could see Kurt crouched behind a large, bloodstained butcher-block table.

"Kurt," Skinner called. "We don't want to hurt you. Put the gun down and come out with your hands up. This doesn't have to end badly."

"Fuck off!" yelled Kurt and sent a bullet Skinner's way. Skinner and Scully both ducked as it whinged past them.

Scully anxiously scanned the darkness, looking for some sign of Mulder. Nothing. Just blood stains, so many bloodstains.

Kurt sent another volley of bullets and the agents responded, despite Scully's pleas. Finally, no more gunfire came from Kurt's corner and the agents carefully made their way back.

Kurt lay on his back, bleeding from the bullet that had pierced his chest, his eyes half open. Scully knelt at his side, pulled off the ski mask and crisply pulled off her jacket to cover him. "Where is Agent Mulder, Kurt?" she asked.

Kurt grinned and rasped "Where you'll never find him, bitch!" Then he died.

Scully sat back, stunned. Skinner gave her a worried look and called to the other agents. "Check the building for other gunmen, and also for Agent Mulder. He's injured, probably incapacitated. When you find him, sing out and Agent Scully will administer first aid until the paramedics can take over."

Agents poured throughout the building, and Scully searched too. After an eternity, the agents filtered back to the central spot where the coroner was packing up the bodies of Benny and Kurt.

No Mulder. Nobody else in the building.

Scully bit her lip. She had to agree that they'd found nothing, but she was also certain that Mulder was here.

"Agent Scully, I'm truly sorry. They...must have killed him and dumped the body somewhere," Skinner said with heavy regret.

"No...no. He's still alive and he's here. I know he's here." Skinner gave her a sharp look, but decided to leave her with her grief.

As Skinner thanked the agents then reassigned them to forensics tasks, Scully wandered aside. Searching.

She found the open door to the basement and walked down the stairs. The area had been thoroughly searched, she knew that. She just had a feeling...

She entered the dimly lit basement and began to feel the walls, idly touching the surface, feeling dips and bumps in the surface. Then she felt a cold breeze against the palm of her hand. Carefully, lest she lose this clue, Scully left her hand there and reached for her flashlight with the other.

Focusing the bright light showed a faint vertical line, running from floor to ceiling. "A secret room," Scully whispered, then dropped the flashlight and grabbed her pocket knife and began to force it against the crack.

She ran the knife down the crack until it jammed there. No good. But there was something behind this wall, she felt sure. Scully feverishly applied her nails, her knife and her determination to the door without effect, when Skinner came down the stairs.

"Agent Scully, are you all right..." he began, then stopped as he saw Scully frenziedly trying to open the hidden door. Her hair was in disarray and she was all but beating on it with her fists.

She turned to him. "Sir, Mulder's trapped in there. I know it! We need some agents down here with axes and pry-bars. Now!" Skinner grabbed his walkie-talkie and barked some orders into it, then he hunted around the basement for a tool to use.

Skinner found a crowbar, and began trying to pry the wall open, his face tense with effort and his muscles straining. More agents poured down the stairs and helped.

Soon the door was destroyed, revealing a small room containing a large locker-like metal box, clearly meant to be air-tight.

It was locked.

Scully was all but dancing in her anxiety. "We've got to get him out of there. Fast. He's probably running out of air."

Skinner took his crowbar and managed to force the lock. He yanked the door open, and the abused body of Fox Mulder toppled out.

Scully dived forward to catch him, pulling the rest of Mulder's body out of the locker. She felt for a pulse and he lay limp, cradled in her arms, his face dusky pale.

"He isn't breathing. Call the paramedics down here, fast!" She began mouth to mouth resuscitation.

"C'mon, Mulder--breathe. That's right, breathe for me..." Scully grimly pushed air into Mulder's lungs. Between breaths, she pulled off her jacket and gently draped it on him. After a minute or two he coughed and gulped a big lungful of air. Scully sat back on her heels and smiled as Mulder's eyes cracked open.

"Hey, partner," she smiled into his eyes. "Long time, no see." Mulder's eyes found hers, then took on an expression of tormented anguish and he turned his face to one side, refusing to look at her.

"Mulder, what.." Scully began but was interrupted by the paramedics. She stood to one side, then, anxiously watching as they loaded Mulder onto a stretcher and began to remove him from the room. In all that time, not once did Mulder meet her eyes or look at her, even though Scully followed his every motion, listened to every response he gave to a paramedic.

Shaken, she watched dumbly from the sidelines.

"Do you want to ride with the ambulance?" Skinner asked gently.

Scully just nodded and silently followed the paramedics upstairs.

During the ride Mulder lost consciousness, and so Scully was spared his anguished glance. She thought she knew why he was turning from her. She had left him after all, run for her life and left him to be tortured by those sadistic killers. If he couldn't get past this, couldn't forgive her this, well...she could understand. But she'd try, oh how she'd try to make it up to him, somehow. If he'd let her.

* * *

**Day 4 11:00 p.m. Memorial Hospital**

Scully roused when somebody laid a blanket over her. She yawned and saw that Skinner had arrived and was tip-toeing out of the room.

"Sir?" she said drowsily. "It's okay, I'm awake." Scully sat up in her chair, her eyes going automatically to the still form of Mulder in the hospital bed.

"I, uh, thought I'd see how Agent Mulder is doing," Skinner said, his voice low. He took a seat in the other chair. "What do the doctors say?"

"Well, he had internal injuries stemming from the rape and the beatings. They've repaired that, but he'll be a while recovering. He was knifed in the arm, but fortunately it missed the major blood vessels. There is considerable danger of infection, and he's lost a lot of blood. But of primary concern is that he was without oxygen for an unknown period of time. There could be brain damage. We won't really know if there are any deficits until he wakes." If he wakes, Scully added mentally.

"You mean like swimmers or drowning victims?" Skinner asked.

"Yes. There could be no effect, or he could have just enough brain damage to be manageable..."

"But to end his career at the Bureau," Skinner finished for her. Scully nodded and laid her hands on Mulder's left arm, focusing her entire being on him.

Skinner sat with her for a while, then gently took his leave.

After Skinner left, Scully had time to think. Mulder had turned away from her. He knew that she'd left him, saved herself. She'd abandoned him and he'd taken the abuse meant for her, and now he just couldn't look at her. She couldn't blame him, she certainly blamed herself. She wondered if he'd even want her as a partner anymore. _My God, the rape._ He'd have a long recovery from that. She had to be there for him. But would he want her? She knew that if he told her to go away, her heart would break. But she'd do it, if he asked it.

And she thought of the dreams she'd had, tucked carefully in the back of her mind. Waking up on Sunday morning with Mulder, cooking him a real meal, spending days with him--not chasing aliens--but just being. Growing old with him. She'd thought that maybe he was attracted to her, a little. That hallway near-kiss...was never repeated. So she'd never been sure. Now she'd never know.

But she'd wait. And even if he couldn't forgive her for abandoning him when he needed her most, she still owed him.

* * *

**Memorial Hospital Day 5 3:10 a.m.**

Scully jerked awake. She lifted her head from where it lay against Mulder's arm. Something had awakened her. _Mulder?_

His eyes were fluttering and a soft moan came from his throat. Scully waited tensely, trying to smile brightly but afraid of his reaction.

Mulder focused, then found Scully's face. He began to smile at her, then the anguished look filtered into his face. He turned his head away.

"Mulder? What's wrong? Why can't you look at me?" Scully asked softly.

"You know, Scully. You know why I can't...just can't...what happened in that place." Mulder's voice was muffled, and so very sad.

Scully took a deep breath and looked down at her lap. That was it, then.

"Mulder...I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am...I can't expect you to forgive me for this, but I..I have to tell you that I abandoned you there, and I'm so very sorry. I know you blame me for that, and you're right. I'm your partner, and I..I left you there..alone. Can you forgive me?" Scully looked up, tears welling from her eyes, to find Mulder looking at her curiously.

"Forgive you for what, Scully? Of course you left, that's why I went for that gorilla: to give you a chance to get away. It was the only way I could protect you. I sure didn't do you any good otherwise." Mulder bowed his head, ashamed.

"You don't blame me? But..why have you been turning away from me? You wouldn't look at me." Scully leaned forward in her chair.

Mulder painfully slid back from Scully, putting as much distance as the bed would allow. "Scully, you _know_ why I can't...can't face you." He dropped his gaze and stared at the blankets, forcing the words out. "I...I _raped_ you, Scully. I hurt you. I could tell I was hurting you, while it was happening. How can you stand to look at me, now?"

"Mulder, I asked you to do it. I helped. And remember your training. What's the definition of rape? Sexual intercourse without consent. Mulder...that wasn't a rape, not really. The situation was terrible, but you aren't. I consented, Mulder, that _you_ make love to me."

Mulder still couldn't meet her eyes. "I know you don't hold it against me, Scully. You said as much while we were...um..."

"Fucking? Mulder, I'm a grown woman and I know what we were doing. There's no shame in it." Scully waited hopefully for a Mulder leer and remark. It never came. She sighed.

"But Scully, I _hurt_ you. I know I was hurting you, and..." The rest was too low for her to hear.

"What is it Mulder? I can't hear."

"Scully..I...came. And I enjoyed it. But I _hurt_ you and then I came. That isn't right. I can't live with that."

"Mulder, I know in my heart that you are not a sadistic man. Do you think that you are?" That got his attention. He looked up.

"No, I hope not." He mumbled. "But... I don't really know myself anymore."

"Well, if you were a sadist, you wouldn't be bothered by your perception of what happened. Besides, Mulder, how do you know that you hurt me?" Scully asked softly.

"How could I not know? I could feel you beneath me, shuddering. You...you gasped a couple of times when I...when I moved in you hard. I tried to make it gentle, I tried," Mulder said miserably.

"Um...Mulder.." Blast the man for being perceptive about everybody but her! Okay, Starbuck, just _say_ it.

"Mulder, you didn't hurt me. In fact, I had several orgasms myself..." Scully could feel her face getting red and flushed. She found herself looking away in embarrassment. _Damn it, he caused them, why can't I tell him about it?_

Mulder began a slow smile. "Several, as in more than one?"

Scully caught the smile and began to feel a little hope.

"Uh-huh," she said.

"How many?" Mulder gave her an intensely curious look. His smile broadened to a smug grin when she held up three fingers.

Their eyes met and Scully began to giggle. Then Mulder began to snicker, and soon the two of them were being cautioned against waking any of the other patients.

After a while they both calmed down, and Scully's face grew serious. "Mulder, I want you to know that I feel terrible about what happened to you there. I... if you need a friend, somebody to talk to about it, I'm here." She reached out her hand to take Mulder's. She could see that he was forcing himself to accept her touch and felt saddened at the damage done to this man.

"Scully... how much of the tape did you see? How much do they know at the Bureau? Skinner? Did they see me get... " Mulder's face flushed with embarrassment, as his voice trailed off. He looked away from her eyes as he waited for her answer.

"Skinner and the task force team saw the tape, a total of eight people. We all gave our word not to disclose the contents, to protect your privacy. The tape itself only showed the beginnings of the attack on you, maybe the first five minutes, then went to snow." Scully tried to smile. "You and I, now, we're there in glorious technicolor. I'm thinking of adding that one to the drawer of videos that don't belong to you."

Mulder's smile was as tentative. "Yeah, well, I always did want to be in pictures." Inwardly, he heaved a relieved sigh. At least Scully hadn't seen the whole attack, and his reaction to it. _No, can't think about that. Got to forget that it happened, forget the whole thing and get back to life. Just don't think about it._

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm tired. And you look like you could use some sleep." Scully got up to go. "Mulder, I'm so glad we found you. I was so worried," she said softly.

"So was I, Scully, so was I," Mulder replied gently. Scully leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, then left before Mulder could get over his shock. He sat up in bed, gingerly touching his lips where she'd kissed him, a bemused expression on his face.

* * *

**5:00 a.m.**

Mulder couldn't sleep. He was glad that he'd cleared the air with Scully about their encounter. He hadn't hurt her after all... .three times? He fought down a silly grin. No, Scully wouldn't lie and she wouldn't exaggerate. Mulder felt oddly comforted, especially in the face of all that he _hadn't_ said to her.

Thank God she hadn't seen the rest of the attack. Thank God nobody had. He still didn't know how to react to it. He recalled it, with all too much clarity.

Kurt, pounding into him, pain... terrible pain. Couldn't get his breath, and when he did it was only to scream.

Kurt's obscenities in his ears, calling him garbage, worthless... after a while the words were meaningless. He couldn't fight, couldn't stop it from happening... helpless. Fox Mulder, FBI Agent, Oxford graduate... helpless. Then Mulder's body betrayed him. He could feel himself getting hard, arousal out of his control, hoping... praying that Kurt wouldn't notice. Forlorn hope.

"Hey Benny! Look at this! The Fibbie's got a hard-on!" Mulder felt Kurt grab a handful of his hair, pulling him onto his knees. "Guess he goes both ways, huh?" Then he was rolled back onto his stomach and, to his mortification, he ejaculated. By the time Kurt was finished with him, Mulder lay face down, sobbing and trying vainly to control the shaking of his body. Then Kurt and Benny had hauled him upright and tied him, then thrown him into the van.

Mulder realized that he was shaking and tried to huddle down into the safety of the hospital bed. It didn't exist, it hadn't happened, Kurt and Benny were dead. There was no tape. And if Mulder chose to forget it, it didn't exist, did it? What was he, anyway? How could his body react like that? _Wait_, he told himself, _remember that expensive psychology degree... This is purely physiological. It _happens_ to male rape victims, it's meaningless, the simple result of pressure applied to the prostate gland during the attack._

_Yeah, sure, fine,_ he told himself. _All this theory was great UNTIL IT HAPPENED TO ME!_ He curled into a fetal ball and huddled in the bed, waiting till morning.

* * *

**Day 5 Memorial Hospital 2 p.m.**

Scully stopped by the nurse's station on her way to see Mulder. She'd gotten into the habit of checking his chart. The nurse on duty stopped her.

"Agent Scully, you really need to talk to your partner," the nurse said as she handed Scully the chart.

"Why? What's wrong?" Scully glanced at the chart, nothing abnormal physically.

"The rape counselor stopped by today. Mulder shouted him out of the room, and that's the only reaction he's given to anything today. He won't talk, doesn't say anything, just stares out the window."

"I'll go see him. Maybe he'll talk to me." Scully gave the chart back to the nurse and went into Mulder's room. He lay quietly, staring at the window as she entered.

"Hi, partner. How ya feelin?" Scully asked as cheerfully as she could. She found a business card on the side table. It read 'William Draeger, Rape Crisis Counseling Center'. "I see you've had a visitor."

Mulder didn't turn away from the window. "Had," he said, and fell silent.

"Mulder, this is me. What's going on?" Scully tried to keep her voice crisp and unemotional. "You seem really down today. Want to talk about it?"

"No," Mulder said.

"Mulder... dammit! Will you look at me? You already said that you don't hold it against me, my leaving you. So what is it? What's going on?" Mulder didn't answer, but Scully could see his shoulders trembling with quiet sobs.

"Mulder?" Scully reached forward and touched Mulder's hair. He jerked and cried out. "No..no..Let me go, let me alone... please let me alone..Don't touch me..please. I..don't want this. I'm not like that... " Mulder huddled in the bed, pulling the covers around him tightly.

Scully pulled her hand back abruptly. "Mulder," she whispered. "Just what was on the rest of that tape? What did he do to you?"

Mulder sobbed, then the words began to come out. He brokenly described the rest of the attack, and how his body had reacted. Scully desperately wanted to hold him close, protect him. But she knew that he couldn't bear any touch just now.

"Mulder, you know that none of this was your fault. You didn't ask for it, any of it. You're right, your body was taken out of your control and this was an automatic response." Scully reached out to him with one hand, then dropped it to lay on the blanket between them. "You should talk to the counselor. You can't let this fester inside you. If you can't talk to me, you need somebody."

"Scully, I... feel like my life is broken into little pieces. No control, can't even control my own friggin' body. Don't trust anybody but you. I've tried to repress this, think about something else. It... didn't hurt this much when I was worried about you, you were more important to worry about. But now," Mulder gave a shaky laugh, "the adrenaline has died down. I guess I'm freed up to have the flashbacks now."

Mulder gulped and went on. "Scully, you're the most important thing in my life, but even I can see what a loser I am. Please, get out now, before I drag you down. You don't have to deal with this, you don't have to be here and go through this with me."

Scully was frightened by the despair in his voice. "Mulder, is this why you deliberately provoked Kurt to kill you?" At his look, she added "Yes, I saw that in the tape. You weren't even trying. Is this what prompted that?"

Mulder nodded. "That, and knowing that I'd lost you forever. Once I'd touched you, I knew I couldn't live without ever touching you again. And you deserve better." Mulder looked into her honest blue eyes and said flatly. "You still do."

Scully looked back. "Mulder, I decide what I deserve, and I chose you a long time ago. How clear do I have to make it? I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Unless... you really don't want me to stay," she ended quietly.

Mulder looked like a man offered paradise. "Scully, do you really mean that? I mean, not just as a friend... "

Scully smiled. "I've had romantic feelings for you for quite some time, but you never said anything and I wasn't sure you felt the same."

Mulder snorted. "Should I have rented a billboard? Scully, I told you how I felt in Bermuda. I got you back from the arctic tundra. How obvious did I have to be?"

"A hell of a lot more obvious than you were! Who trails you to God-knows-where and saves your ass repeatedly? What was I supposed to think? You didn't even try to kiss me again." Scully flared, then noted with quiet satisfaction that Mulder's mood had picked up. Good.

Mulder grew serious. "Scully, if you're talking about a romantic relationship, I don't think I'm going to be much good to you for a while. I want to make love to you more than I can say, but I..can't handle the thought of sex right now. I don't even know if... if I can make love to a woman anymore. Even touching your hand is rough. I'm scared, and it feels like my body isn't really mine. I've lost boundaries. And then," Mulder looked down at the blankets. "The doctor told me that my preliminary HIV tests are negative, but it'll be six months before we know for sure."

"Mulder, I want a romantic relationship, and with nobody but you. I can wait. I've waited six years, I can wait six months. Or as long as it takes." Scully tried to project as much warmth and love into her eyes as she could, since she couldn't follow her instinct and enfold him in a hug.

Mulder smiled, hope in his face. "Well, maybe we can work up to it. Mess around...date.."

"Mess around, Agent Mulder?" Scully asked archly.

"Agent Scully, have you ever been kissed in the back seat of a 1964 1/2 Mustang?"

"Mulder, anyplace, anytime you want to kiss me, I'm there," Scully replied.

Mulder leaned inward and gently caught the back of Scully's head, pulling her forward. She could see him tremble as he very slowly and very carefully began a tender kiss at the base of her neck, then moved gradually upward, finally arriving at her lips. Once there, the tender kiss became passionate, leaving both of them breathless.

"That's my promise to you, Dana Scully. And my commitment."


End file.
